Should Have Let Me Die

Chapter 178: Tree Pirates

I had every intention of taking Elise down the cabin I had, but the intent is nine-tenths of doing something, but without the one-tenth act-ion part, you were just blowing smoke. Smoke was being blown as I was dragged, with Elise, down into one of the larger rooms the girls were sharing. I got inside to find some of my wives all sitting around with wine glass, and after a quick look around, I got a bit worried. 

"Uh...hey ladies, how's it going?" I asked, feeling a bit rosy-cheeked,  that wine at the wing place must have been strong, and now I had no way to burn it off like with Balthazar.

I hadn't slept with a single person in this room, in fact, these were all my wives that I hadn't been with! Was this some big orgy trap? Hell no! Maybe I have taken to having so many wives with a grain of sand in the past, but I wasn't that type of guy that wanted more than one at a time! I wouldn't even take the twins at the same time...unless they begged...hmmm? Man, this alcohol was pretty strong!

"You can come to sit down, we aren't all going to jump your bone," Nuwari said. "But, there is a lineup, Mr. and you had better not be trying to jump around until you have caught up!"

"Hold on, there was an important reason why I took her with me and not you, dammit, Nuwari, you will be coming with me after we are done here! Put those damn daggers away! Girls, I took Elise's permission so I could talk to her about taking her powers away."

The whole room froze and went deadly quiet, so I decided to continue.

"I have only been thinking about what I want, and I haven't been really thinking about what each of you wants with your lives. If you don't want the magic you have, or you want to try and see if something different will work, I am here for you. It doesn't need to be now, and I will hope that you tell the other women this as well, and really, anyone that wants a magic-free life can come and see me."

The girls were all looking at each other, fully distracted. So, I took this chance and kissed Elise quickly and whispered sorry. She nodded at me with a warm smile of understanding, and then I turned to my target, Squishy Cheeks. It was time to teach this dealer of unneeded information a lesson in cause and effect!

I bent down to make it look like I was about to kiss Nuwari, but then I quickly dropped my shoulder top into her lap. I scooped under her knees and then under her skirt, sliding across her panties and then around her Heavenly soft cheeks and grabbed on. I stood back up and then I heard the clink of glasses before I started toward the door, but I turned my head back a bit before completely leaving the room.

"Just ignore whatever you hear tonight, sorry in advance!"

So, Nuwari was a loud one, to the point where most people thought I was doing something wrong to her. So, making it clear right away was always the best choice, because not all the other girls had been in games with her. The other girls that did know would let the other know and there would be no one bursting into the room with weapons drawn.

"Can you carry me normally? I am not a sack of oranges!" She complained.

I let her slide off my shoulder and into my arms, oh what she cute! Plus she had a bottle of wine and two glasses in her hands; so that's what the sound was! Good girl, I wouldn't mind a little bit more of that to make the time more fun! Then when I was about twenty steps from my door, I heard the cry out for help. Come on!

"Treefolk Pirates, Three full ships of them! We will never getaway!"

"Ooh, please come save us," I said in a mockingly female voice, then, "FUCKING DICKHEADS! I am sorry babe, wait for me, and I'll be right back so something stupid doesn't happen!"

I set Nuwari up, gave her a deep and passionate kiss with more tongue than I would normally use, and then drained the half bottle of wine. 

"Grab another one while I'm gone too please dear?"

Mmm, that wine wasn't nearly as strong as the stuff from before, but half a bottle of wine was half a bottle of wine. I head back to the top deck in one foul mood.

I was supposed to be having sex with my sexy and loud wife that had the body of a goddess, but I wasn't. Instead, I was going to go sink three pirate ship; what the fuck is up with Treefolk Pirates anyways? Is the fucking tree supposed to be friendly? Liquor was starting to get to me, but now I was just happy/mad, and that sounded a little psychopathic, but the fucking trees asked for it!

I was on the deck now, and I could barely see the port from where we were, and the rest was all blue. I looked around, turning too fast, almost tripping over a crate, and then after giving it a stern talking to about being in the way, I spotted them. Three big ships, each twice the size of our own, and they were coming in a way that would make it impossible to run while trying to go backward. 

Could ships go backward? Fuck, didn't matter, I looked around for the most frustrated person and found the captain wringing his hat into a twisted rag.

"HEY! Cap'n! Can you get your boy to bring me some balls? Like heavy fuckers!"

"You mean like Cannonballs? What are you going to do with that? Listen, King, you look a bit drunk, these things weigh thirty-two pounds and are bigger than your head!" The Captain cried out, as he looked at me and then the oncoming ships and then back at me.

"Cap, just get me the damn balls! Drunk or not, those are big ships, and I should be able to hit them from here. They are interrupting my sexy time and putting my family in danger, fuck it leave the cannonballs. I will just go see the buggers myself!"

I started to kick off my clothes and then my boots, and went down to my black boxes because I'm a creature of habit.

"Wait! You're the king! You can just swim over there!" The captain said with indignation.

"Oh? And I suppose you were going to do it then? No? Who said anything about swimming? I'm a fuckin' run there!"

"Then why did you take off your clothes?" The captain asked in confusion.

"It fucking hot, duh. Plus, I will be getting wet, and running one water is a task all on its own sober, so this will be fun!"

Before the Captain could try to complain more, I started to run to the front of the boat and then I kept running off the edge, only jumping a little bit, but the second I was in the air, all three Gates flew open. In the past three gates was enough to do it, but that was land to water and straight onto it, but I was drunk now, and full of energy that would do well to be spent elsewhere!

I gave it me all the second my foot touched the unbroken water's surface and ran. I almost slipped but caught myself. I could swing, but I didn't want to, no I wanted to run there, talk to the trees and run back, just kidding, there would be no talking. 

I was coming up to the ships now and then looked like they might be changing course, but it was too late now. I ran through the first one, shattering the ship in two, but they were ready for me with the second one! 

*Boom!*

I watched it come like a line drive at chest height, but I jumped and grabbed it at the last second, letting it spin me and adding my own force to send it back. 

I missed by a lot, and now I was in the water, but the booze was wearing off, and I was getting a slight headache from it. Now I was really mad, and the water was colder than I had expected, and they were still shooting at me. I dug my hands into the water and started to do the breaststroke and started skipping across the water while avoiding cannonballs.

When I was about thirty meters away, the cannon fire stopped and a white flag went up. I continue forwards, but I slowed when I got to the boat, closed two Gates, and then dug my hands into the wood to climb up beside the ladder. Okay, still a little tipsy, there was hope for me yet! I might not be completely sober when I get back to my room, I would just demand booze to keep myself primed, since this was these asshats' fault; stupid fucking tree pirates.

I finally climbed over the edge and I was drenched, and I was met with swords out, not pointed at me, but I was still offended. They all looked like mini versions of Ents from LOTR just like the little resistance fighter I had given magic, the fuck was her name again?

"We are taking you, hostage!" The fanciest looking tree said.

I blinked at him, dumbstruck, then cracked the second gate open and football kicked him off into the great blue sea. Then I turned back to the rest that was trying to be anywhere but near me.

"Anyone else wanna tell another funny joke?"